Day 11 - Pull is better than push..

The Push/Pull of Motivation

To paraphase Gareth, (though I'll probably do it very badly here), motivation to do anything appears in two ways: the push and the pull.

The push is the 'getting away from' part of the equation. You want to get away from the bad place you are in now, today. The 'pain' of where you are is so exhausting every day that you are pushed into action. Whether that's weight loss, work place, relationships etc. It has to be so bad that you can't stand being there any longer.  Sometimes we don't feel that push because it's only 6lbs or 1 stone to lose so we're kind of happy, not in a place of pain so much that we feel the force to change our lifestyle. The push isn't strong enough to force action.

But the push isn't enough to keep you going all the time and once you're slightly or quite a bit away from the bad place, the push isn't as strong. So onto the pull.

The pull is about tapping into the desire to be somewhere else in your life or achieve something. You want to take yourself closer to a deeply desired goal. The pull is about meaningful activities that you want to achieve and with those in sight, they pull you closer to your goal.

WOW, that got deep for a minute there didn't it? I hope that's right Gareth? Please don't punish me tomorrow at the Common if I got it wrong. (smiley face).

Anyhoooo, Krispy Kremes. Hands up who lurrrrves a Krispy Kreme? You do? Me too! Love 'em. Which is why I was bitterly disappointed to find that today at work, someone had donated TWO of the biggest boxes you've ever seen in your life.

First email in my inbox...'Come my precious, buy a Krispy Kreme.. it's for Charideee... (UNICEF).. do it for the children (no, I can't, must stay strong)... Don't you like the poor, hungry children?... don't you want them to eat? have clothes?.. THINK OF THE CHILDREN'.

Okay so maybe the email wasn't quite worded like that but THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.  I deleted it sharpish and moved on. The willpower is shocking even me. I hope Gareth has stickers for me tomorrow... a gold star wouldn't go amiss.

So backing away from the Krispy Kremes...Motivation. There are many many things that are motivating me to do this (one of the many being plastic chairs) and the first thing Gareth asked me to do on Day One was to answer these questions.

What do I want to achieve with this project? Why do I want do it? How do I feel right now?

With your amazing powers of deduction, you will have noticed that those questions are directly linked to the push and pull of motivation. (See, he's not just a pretty face!).

What do I want to achieve with this project?

1. Lose 140 pounds
2. Get fit  - what does that look like? See below for fitness goals.
3. Learn to eat heathily and learn to cook really tasty healthy meals.

Why do I want do it?

1. Just recently diagnosed as borderline diabetic (something has to be done now to reverse it)
2. Fit into a size 12 dress
3. Shop in any shop
4. Run the Great South Run/Race for Life for Charideee
5. Feel happier, more confident, attractive
6. Be able to sit in a plastic chair and be able to leave it behind when I stand up... ahem
7. Ski pain-free, enjoy the holiday, not worrying if I can cope with the exertion
8. Wear a bikini (don't worry, that will be on holiday abroad - you won't have to bear witness to that one)

How do I feel right now?

1. Worried about my health
2. Unfit
3. Unattractive
4. Frustrated with the lack of fashionable clothes in my shop (see below).

I'm sure there are more and I might add to these lists as we go along. Any suggestions for goals?

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This weekend I stepped into 'The Rainy Season' shop (think about it....... think of a high street shop that is called another word for the rainy season..... got it? great).

I mostly go in there to buy birthday presents for other people. But this time I was in there for me. What? I hear you cry. They don't sell your clothes. No, unfortunately not. My shop, 'Good 'Evans it fits'.. is the only one for me at the moment. But Gareth added another task for me. Buy a size 12 dress NOW. For motivation.

So as the Boss ordered, off I scampered (okay, I trudged) to town to buy a size 12 dress.

Me: (browsing idly through the racks).

Salesgirl: (head tilt on side - engaged, false smile - engaged, high pitched voice - engaged) Can I help you with anything?

Me: Yes, does this dress come in a size 12? (holding up a size 16)

Salesgirl: (speechless, wide-eyed, weighing up (no pun intended) whether to point out my obvious shortcomings)......uhh.....

Me: Never mind! (YES, I KNOW I CAN'T FIT INTO YOUR PRECIOUS CLOTHES. I considered whether to make something up...I'm buying it for a friend/daughter/niece/goddaughter, delete as appropriate but I just moved on to the next rack instead).


Arggghh! I WILL BE BACK AND I WILL BUY ALL YOUR SIZE 12 CLOTHES MISSY!
Me, you, back here in 12 months. Bring it on!

It was my 'Pretty Woman' moment!
Just, you know, without the diamonds, Richard Gere or glamorisation of prostitution.... but otherwise yeah.. it was totally Pretty Woman in action.

BIG MISTAKE, LADY, BIG.... HUGE....

(okay, so this is a slight exaggeration, but the feelings of not belonging were geniune and I may have been a tad paranoid of the patronising salesgirl...)

Update to new experiences so far = 7. Buying size 12 dress.